Black Quinoa Breakfast Cereal

When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is stumble out of my room in a half-hungover, half-delusional haze. Then, I sit on my computer for an unhealthy amount of time while I try to recount my disjointed, nonsensical dreams. After I debate over whether I should wash my hair or not, I go downstairs to get something for breakfast.

Breakfast is my least favorite meal, so needless to say I'm really not a "breakfast food" type person. I don't like eating sweet things when I first get up, so I normally go for plainer flavors like hummus (which I just made for a snack now, nom nom) and bread, or nut cheese (hahaha nut cheese) and bread, or leftover vegan pizza.

The point of all this rambling nonsense is really to point out the fact that I don't like cereal very much. I usually eat the Kashi kinds for a snack if I get hungry during the day but in the morning sometimes I haveeee: quinoa or brown rice with almond milk and fruits/nut.

It's packed with vitamins/good calories/healthy shit to start your inevitably boring day off right! Here are some suggestions:

Black Quinoa Breakfast Cereal

1 cup quinoa/rice (protein, fiber)

1 1/2 cup water (cooked before hand)

Toppings:

-strawberries/blueberries (vitamin C, antioxidants -immune system boost)

-bananas (they slow digestion, Potassium)

-wolfberries/goji berries (antioxidants, Potassium)

-cashews/pecans/walnuts (good fats, brain food, protein)

-1 tbsp agave/maple syrup

-soy/rice/almond milk (protein)

-Black quinoa's nuttier flavor and crunchy texture has the perfect breakfast cereal consistency. You can heat it up or eat it cold. I've been meaning to try this with bulgur and hemp milk, but haven't gotten around to buying it yet.

-Bananas have a looooooooot more Potassium than apples, so they'll keep your brain awake/more alive longer in the morning. This whole "recipe" seems pretty obvious, but I never even thought of making my own cereal until my good friend, who is a celiac, pointed it out to me.

-I think fruit adds just the right amount of sweetness, without being overly saccharine. But if you want more, add the maple or agave.

-I usually add maple syrup so I think of Wolverine right away after I wake up.

Vegan Strawberry-Basil Scones

So, I was perusing the blogosphere and came across Carla from Canada's brilliant blog The Year of the Vegan . Everyone knows how much I love Canada because Wolverine comes from Canada. And that's where I found this fucking awesome recipe. TWO more reasons to love the True North.

As usual I made changes to suit my preferences but her original recipe can be found here and it's amazing.

Vegan Strawberry-Basil Scones

1 cup almond milk
1 tsp apple cider vinegar
3 tbspn strawberry jam
1 tbsp light agave
3 tbsp canola oil
2 tsp strawberry extract
2 cups whole wheat flour
1 cup white flour
3 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup strawberry, diced
2 tbsp basil, packed


-First mix almond milk and the apple cider vinegar together. Let curd for 5 mins.

-Cut up strawberries and set aside.

-Add the jam, agave, strawberry extract and oil to the almond milk. Whisk this bitch together.

-Mix in the flours, the baking soda/powder and salt. The batter will be tough. After you do that (pick it up, what are you, part turtle?) fold in the basil.

-Fold in the strawberries! 1 cup is kind of a lot and the original recipe calls for 1/2 cup. I love strawberries so, if you're really devoted like me, you'll work that dough until they all fit in. Aw yeah, like that baby.

-Put these puppies on parchment paper, the oven set on 375, for approx 17-20 mins.

-And then you're done! This is a pretty easy recipe altogether, even for me, and I have the IQ of a volcanized rock.

Raw Vegan 'Cheese'cake

Okay, I'm just getting the hang of this "blog" thing. Give me a break. I have been dead for like, three hundred years, and I also am missing the nub of my left ring finger (chopped it off when I found out my ex-husband was sleeping with the corpse of Angelina Jolie's grandmother). Whore.

Anyways! This is my first recipe for Raw Vegan Cheesecake. I adapted this recipe from a bunch of raw cheesecake websites on the web (I like to mix and match).

Raw Vegan 'Cheese'cake:

Ingredients

Filling:

3 1/2 cups unsalted cashews (soak 1-4 hours)

1 cup water

1 cup coconut oil

3/4 cup lemon juice

2 tsp vanilla

1/2 tsp salt
3/4 cup agave nectar

Crust:
2 cups unsalted almonds (soak 1-4 hours)
1 cup pitted dates (soak with almonds)

Garnish: Strawberries, cut

Homie, let them soak. If you don't you will be sorely disappointed in yourself. I am already disappointed in you and you probably haven't even done anything yet.

-First cut the strawberries for garnish. Don't get too excited.

We've got really nice facilities in Hell, don't we? 

-After 1-4 hours, combine dates and almonds in the food processor and blend until they have a "diced" look to them. It's going to stick together like the corpses of Romeo and Juliet. Press the mixture into a pan.

-After 1-4 hours of soaking the cashews, put them in the food processor alongside everything else in the filling list. It'll taste so good you'll puke, I swear. You're going to need to melt-down the coconut oil, (put the measurement in a plastic bag, then let it sit in hot water for a minute).

Spoon it all into the crust after it gets a creamy texture, and then put the cheesecake into the freezer for 1-3 hours. It won't "freeze" it'll just harden (that's what she said). The coconut oil in it is a solid a room temperature and this is what stabilizes the pie. You learned something new today (?) ! If you didn't, well excuse me, ass, next time I won't try.

-After you take it out of the freezer, let it defrost for about a 1/2 hour in the fridge. You can then try to be a real douchebag like me and decorate it with the strawberries so people compliment you. Money can buy you love if you use it to buy ingredients for pie.

-Now. Why are you making this cake in the first place? Don't eat it all by yourself you fat ass. But you know, even if this isn't for a zombie dinner party, all the good-for-you fats inside of it will actually help you lose weight. Cooler than a witch's tit, right?? If any of your dead weight companions aren't vegan and start to bemoan your choice of lifestyle, shove a forkful of this in their mouth. I guarantee you they'll like it better than the real stuff.

And if they don't, oh well, they suck.