Vegan Blueberry Breakfast Bars

Wow. Wow. Wow. These are really good. Not very sweet, aside from the blueberry flavor, which is awesome. Just how I like it. Somehow, they manage to stay so light and airy and chewy it's almost offensive. Almost.

Blueberry Breakfast Bars
fantastic original recipe here

1 1/3 cup whole wheat flour
3/4 cup oats
1/3 cup vegan brown sugar or maple syrup
2 tsp baking soda
3/4 cup almond milk
1/4 cup applesauce
2 tbsp cornstarch
1 1/2 cup blueberries




-Basically, mix everything together except the blueberries, and then fold the blueberries in so they don't get crushed and mushy.

-Put mixture into a greased pan (I used parchment paper instead, in my opinion, so much better) in an 8x8 pan or equal size. Oven on 400 and leave em' in for about 25 mins and you're so good.

-Taz wanted some :( I gave him some blueberries. Good little boy.

Raw Vegan Chocolate-Coconut Ice Cream

Ummmmmmmmmmmm, yeah I made ice cream. The cool thing about vegan food is that all you have to do is substitute the dairy/meat fat for some other type of vegan fat and normally you get just-as-good (or better, ahem) dishes than non-vegan plates!

Also, I just used like three different words for "food," trying to be all savvy and writer-ly and cool, and you know what, I just ended up sounding mentally deficient ("non-vegan plates!"). That's a lesson for you: if you try to sound like you know what you're doing, you're probably going to fail, unless you're pretty. In that case, Please, come in, can you start on Monday?

Anywho, here's a nice recipe for y'all bemoaning the lack of ice cream in your life, the same way I'm bemoaning the lack of Wolverine in mine.

Raw Vegan Chocolate Coconut Ice Cream

1 cup cashews (bless you)

1 cup pecans

3/4 cup fresh, shredded coconut

1 3/4 cups water

1 cup maple syrup

2 1/2 tsp vanilla flavor

1/4 cup dark cocoa powder

1/4 tsp ground coffee

- Blend everything in the food processor until smooth and if you don't have an ice cream machine (who the fuck has an ice cream machine? people who suck that's who), just put it in the freezer overnight and enjoy!

Taz reallyyyyyyyyy wanted to lick up the droplets of chocolate ice cream, but I narrowly avoided disaster and saved the day!

Fine, fine. Pushy, pushy.

Vegan Biscuits

This recipe is really really really easy. All you need is like, twenty minutes and fork.

And... this other stuff

Vegan "Buttermilk" Biscuits
adapted from here

2 cups whole wheat flour
1 tbsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
4 tbsp vegan margarine
3/4 cup almond milk
1 tsp apple cider vinegar

'butter' glaze:
1/2 tsp apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup almond milk


-Last night BBC One's third (and LAST wtf) Sherlock episode "The Great Game" was on and I wish so bad they will make more episodes. Please make more episodes BBC? My dog Taz will promise you this face?

My luck, the BBC is probably a cat person. Ugh, fuck.

-Yeah, whatever, biscuits. Mix the margarine, baking soda, flour and salt. Cut the margarine in with a fork until the flour is a fine meal in little pieces.

-Add in the almond milk and apple cider vinegar slowly, grinding the dough by hand. It shouldn't be sticky. After eveything is mixed, roll out the dough on a flour-covered countertop and cut into circular shapes with a drinking glass. Or your laser-vision. They should be about 1/2 inch thick.

-After they are on an ungreased baking sheet, you can use the "butter" glaze mix to brush over the tops of the uncooked biscuits. Cook for 12 minutes on 350.

Vegan Cashew Nut 'Cheese'

I was on the Whole Foods website (loser) and I found their recipe section, and in it, voila, this recipe.

I have read about a ga-zillion recipes for raw vegan cheese, which calls for the soaking of nuts, and a long process of letting it sit for days and days and years, and wrapping it in cheesecloth and about a million other things I am FAR too lazy to achieve. If I were an animal, I would ALWAYS be the roadkill on the highway, probably because I was walking too slow.

Anyway, now that we're talking about road kill, let's make some food:

This is like an easy version of raw vegan cheese, using cashew (bless you) butter instead of soaked nuts. I had no nutritional yeast, (different from baking yeast, infused with B vitamins and gives a really 'cheesy' flavor to vegan/vegetarian dishes), so I dicked around with the recipe a little to make it work regardless.

Now you don't need to ask the grocery store worker if they have "nutrional yeast," and get pointed to the feminine hygiene aisle, if you don't want to.

Vegan Cashew Nut 'Cheese'

adaption of Whole Foods recipe

1 cup of cashew butter

1/4 cup unsweetend almond milk

2 tablespoons of tahini

4 tsp of apple cider vinegar

1/2 tsp of onion powder
1 tsp garlic

3/4 tsp salt

1/2 tsp white pepper

-All you have to do is throw everything into a food processor and you're done. Yay!

-The downside to all of this is that in their pure forms, all the ingredients look startlingly close to catfood. I honestly might have thrown up if I looked at it too long. This is the least cat-food looking shot of the bunch. See? I do care about you.

-Thankfully I didn't have to look at it too long. I think this is awesome to put on bagels or whatever.

-My little dog Taz fell asleep in my arms when I was singing to him Complainte du la Butte. I think he's sick today. What does this have to do with cooking? Well, nothing, you heartless bastard.