Vegan Brigadeiros

Well, after 4 1/2 fretful hours, full of not bi, but trilingual curses, I FINALLY managed to invent the recipe for vegan brigadeiros!! It was so difficult because traditional brigadeiros, a Brazilian bon-bon like candy staple, are made with only a few ingredients, chocolate, butter, and condensed milk.

It took me AGES to condense my own vegan soymilk, but I did it! Booyeah! I must say the end product is just as tasty & complex (if not more so..) than the good-old fashioned favorites!

So, for all you brave souls who wish to create condensed vegan milk on your own... make sure you have several hours at hand. Otherwise, I found a cool-looking substitute that I have yet to try: Olvebra brand condensed soyamilk

However, there's something about accomplishing a time-consuming task like this recipe on your own. It makes you feel like you've created life! It's like they're my little delicious children! Granted, that is bordering on weird. But you couldn't pull the smile off my face for an hour, amigos!

I think next time I will try making the condensed soymilk in a slow-cooker and see how it turns out. Anyways, I used to looooove these treats before I became a vegan and I am so happy & proud to share the recipe with all of you!

Vegan Brigadeiros

3 1/2 cups unsweetened soy milk
6 tablespoons of vegan margarine
1/2 cup of vegan sugar
3 tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa
pinch salt
walnuts (traditionally they use chocolate sprinkles!)






1. Melt the margarine in a pan, adding the sugar. Stir consistently until the sugar is liquified.

2. Bring the soil milk to a boil and combine the margarine/sugar mixture with the soy milk. Add the pinch of salt.

3. Simmer mixture for several hours making sure to stir frequently so the bottom of the mixture does not burn. Use a wooden spoon. You want the boil to be a very, very gentle one. Keep the temperature low! This step may take up to 3-3 1/2 hours. I promise the results are well-worth the labor!

*Note: you will continually need to lower the temperature bit by bit as the soy milk condenses into a lesser and lesser volume.

**You will also see a "milk film" start to develop on top of the soy milk after a little while. This is a good sign, and also a sign that you should stay patient and keep simmering! (Patience seriously sucks, I know).


4. Eventually, depending on your cookware and the heat you are using, the mixture will condense to a definite thick pudding-like consistency (one that won't completely lose it's shape when you pick it up in your hands). Add the cocoa powder and whisk until the mixture is uniform. After you have achieve this pudding-like consistency, simmer very gently for approximately 15 more minutes and then let the mixture completely cool.

5. Take the completely cool mixture and heat it to high-heat on your stove very quickly. Stir constantly. Cook for 10 minutes. Scrape the bottom of the pan with your wooden spoon to keep it from burning. The mixture will look like it's starting to come apart, the oil bleeding out onto the pan. This is a good sign. Just keep mixing!

6. After you have done this, you should have an easy-to-mold blob of delicious condensed vegan milk and chocolate brigadeiro! Take it apart tiny bite-sized piece by tiny bite-sized piece, and pat them on a paper towel to remove excess margarine grease. Roll them through sprinkles to get the traditional effect (all I had were walnuts!). I find the walnuts add an appealing crunch to the smooth bon-bon texture.

7. They should be eaten right away or stored in the fridge to chill and enjoyed any time!

Sucesso!!

Once I get my hands on some of that cool Olvebra brand condensed soy milk, I will try out this recipe the easy-peasier way.

Raw Vegan Chocolate-Coconut Ice Cream

Ummmmmmmmmmmm, yeah I made ice cream. The cool thing about vegan food is that all you have to do is substitute the dairy/meat fat for some other type of vegan fat and normally you get just-as-good (or better, ahem) dishes than non-vegan plates!

Also, I just used like three different words for "food," trying to be all savvy and writer-ly and cool, and you know what, I just ended up sounding mentally deficient ("non-vegan plates!"). That's a lesson for you: if you try to sound like you know what you're doing, you're probably going to fail, unless you're pretty. In that case, Please, come in, can you start on Monday?

Anywho, here's a nice recipe for y'all bemoaning the lack of ice cream in your life, the same way I'm bemoaning the lack of Wolverine in mine.

Raw Vegan Chocolate Coconut Ice Cream

1 cup cashews (bless you)

1 cup pecans

3/4 cup fresh, shredded coconut

1 3/4 cups water

1 cup maple syrup

2 1/2 tsp vanilla flavor

1/4 cup dark cocoa powder

1/4 tsp ground coffee

- Blend everything in the food processor until smooth and if you don't have an ice cream machine (who the fuck has an ice cream machine? people who suck that's who), just put it in the freezer overnight and enjoy!

Taz reallyyyyyyyyy wanted to lick up the droplets of chocolate ice cream, but I narrowly avoided disaster and saved the day!

Fine, fine. Pushy, pushy.

Raw Vegan Blueberry 'Cheese'cake

Yet another raw cheesecake! These are by far my favorite desserts to make, and they're so simple, and so delicious, I really implore you to try it out if you haven't yet. They taste exactly like real cheesecake but are about 8 billion times better for you (that is the actual scientific measurement).

I tried a plain and a Death By Chocolate cheesecake so I thought that this time around I would try something fruity. I took inspiration, drawing heavily from from Carmella's recipe, but I changed a few things.

Raw Vegan Blueberry 'Cheese'cake

Crust:
3/4 cups almonds
1/2 cup fresh shredded coconut
3 tbsp carob chips
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp raw honey
pinch salt
2 dates

Filling:
2 cups fresh blueberries
1 handful red grapes
1 1/2 cup cashews (unsoaked)
7 tbsp coconut oil
1 tsp dark cocoa powder
1/2-2/3 cup honey
1 tbsp lemon juice
pinch salt

Topping:
1 tbsp honey
1 heaping tbsp dark cocoa powder
1/2 handful blueberries
(add more blueberries for more watery consistency)


-The recipe is so effing simple. Just grind all of the topping ingredients in the food processor and press the mixture into the pan for the crust. I grated fresh coconut with the food processor first instead of using packaged coconut which is sweetened. If you have a food processor - try this, it looks really cool. Or...just as well don't, Your Highness.

-Blah, blah, blah. Self-indulgent comment.

-Next, process the entire filling. Add more honey if it's not sweet enough for you. I doubled the amount of honey from the original recipe. 

-Just spoon the filling onto the crust and make the topping, decorating/just throwing it on there to look fancy.

-I am going to eat this on the roof of my house at 2 AM while I watch the Perseids meteor shower, sitting by my 10$ Wal-Mart brand 'outdoor' lantern. Yay, space!!!

Ex astris, Scientia!

going where no raw cheesecake has gone before

Vegan Nutella

Becoming vegan, I was horrendously sad to concede that Nutella, the most wonderous invention of mankind, was in fact far from vegan. It has skim milk and whey :( Baaaaaaah

Thus, I set out on a symbolic and defining journey to create VEGAN NUTELLA.

My food processor, while pretty good at what it does, is not at all superb quality, so I ran into some hiccups in making Nutella. You need a high-quality food processor to turn any nut into nut butter, but as a stalwart guardian of the sacred Nutella brotherhood, I thought of a way around it.

Vegan Nutella

1/3 cup dark cocoa

2 cups hazelnuts

1 cup powdered sugar

1/2 cup almond milk

2 tbsp canola oil

2 tsp vanilla

-I tried to cut down on the "sugary" flavor of the Nutella and enhance the nut flavor. Heh heh.

-Simply begin to process the nuts until they are a fine meal, or until the mixture gets "stuck" and won't mix any longer. Add the almond milk and oil in to allow it to blend further. Blend for a couple minutes.

-Add the other ingredients and blend. Add more cocoa or sugar depending on your tastes! I've been eating this all day. FFFFFF so good.

Vegan Banana Bread

I had a bunch of rotting bananas on my counter and I knew if I didn't do something with them, it would be a waste and that would make me sad. So I was looking up recipes for vegan banana bread and I found this awesome recipe on The Post-Punk Kitchen website. This is honestly the best banana bread I have ever had. This was my reaction after tasting it:

I changed a couple things to suit my tastes, but you can find the original here by Isa. It's just effing excellent. It's driving me ... crazy. Hahaha, see what I did there? I was leading on like I was going to type "bananas."

...but I didn't.

n_n

Vegan Banana Bread

adapted from Isa

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup maple syrup

1/2 cup of vegan margarine

4 ripe bananas

2 cups whole wheat flour

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 cup almond milk

1 tsp apple cider vinegar

1 tsp almond extract

1 tsp cinnamon

2 tbsp cacao nibs

1/4 tsp allspice

1/2 tsp salt

walnuts, to taste

-In my opinion, it was the allspice and walnuts that made this whole recipe. I added maple syrup instead of white sugar, so that means you'll have to cook it for a little bit longer. Also, I opted for almond extract - it gives a cool flavor to this light, fluffy, cake-like bread. I choose to put in cacao nibs, because bananas and chocolate = win.

-First, preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix almond milk and apple cider vinegar. Allow to sit for 5 mins to curd.

-Next, mix all ingredients, including almond milk mixture, EXCEPT the walnuts, in a large bowl, mashing up the bananas well so there are no large pieces.

-Grease a 8x5 bread pan with margarine and sprinkle walnuts over the top of the batter.

-Leave in the oven for approx 70 minutes, and then eat that mofo.

Death By Chocolate Raw Vegan Cheesecake

THIS. IS. sogood. It's so assaultingly chocolately it should come with a warning label.

It's okay, Wolverine. I can handle it this time.

Death By Chocolate Raw Vegan Cheesecake

Crust:

1/2 cup pecans (soaked 1 hour)

1/2 cup walnuts (soaked 1 hour)

2 tbsp cacao nibs

2-3 tbsp agave

dash salt

Filling:

3 1/2 cups cashews (soaked 1-4 hours)

4 dates

3/4 cup agave

1/4 cup maple syrup

1/2 tsp ground coffee

1/2 cup coconut oil

1/2 cup water

2 tsp vanilla

1/2 cup cocoa powder

1/2 cup dark cocoa powder

dash salt

-Notice how I gave the recipe a clever name this time? Yeah, I thought it was awesome and cute. Shut the fuck up. Now that we've exchanged pleasantries:

-First: soak all the nuts 1-4 hours before cooking. Raw cheesecake really is worth all the waiting on the nuts, ahahaha everytime I type nuts I think of testicles. Anyhow, it is SO good, the raw cheesecake, not the testicles. In my opinion, actually far better than real cheesecake. And howwwwdy, better for ya.

-Next, combine all the ingredients for the crust in the food processor and press "ON." Yeah, I think I'm just a witty little fuck, you know. Cacao nibs are basically like the best thing ever: they're the unsweetened cocoa bean, and they are packed with mood/cognition enhancing Theobromine.. blah blah science. They're small and crunchy and the Aztecs used to chew on them. That makes them awesome.

-Next, put the soaked cashews, agave, maple (Canada!), coconut oil, cocoa powders, dates, salt, vanilla and water in the food processor. I know I always go on and on about how awesome Canada is, but in reality, it's New Zealand. I was listening to different countries' national anthems last night at around 1 AM (I have no life, it's accepted), and NZ has the most amazing fucking national anthem I've ever heard. The instrumental sounds like the intro to a game show. HAHAHA Behind dooooorrrr number one we have: the entire country of New Zealand!!!

Needless to say, it is AWESOME. You should definitely listen to it here on Youtube while you cook. You won't be disappointed. The first verse is, I think, the aboriginal version.

-Anyways, other than New Zealand's success at life, you should empty the contents of the food processor into the pan right now (that's what she said) and be a success yourself!

-om nom nom nom, soooo chocolatey!!

-Voila! Store in the freezer for 2 hours, and then "defrost" 1/2 a half hour in the fridge before serving.

-Wow, you did it!

PS. I had to look up how to spell "success" like 8 times.

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookies

Hooray! I know, chocolate chip cookies are so good they make you want to puke. I actually made these a couple days ago but was too lazy to put all the pics and stuff up on the computer. On top of this the pictures sucked because my digital camera still runs on BATTERIES and is a piece of shit. Yeah. So, I was stomping around like the baby I am.

At first, I scorned the cookies because I deemed them a terrible, horrible failure and a testament to my already dubious talent. But then, I came around. I became like the woman who says she never wants to have kids, and then she has one by accident (heyyyya!) and swears to have 50 more.

I would have 50 more batches of these little mf bites of joy.

So, if you're feeling like Wolverine today:

Then do I have a recipe for you! These are are not the overly-sugary ooey-gooey cookies your mom makes. They have a rich, full flavor and a hearty yumminess to them. If you don't like them, they also make really good ammo, so throw them at your mirror when you have your inevitable moment of self-hatred for the day!

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookies

2 cups whole wheat flour

1/3 cup agave syrup (Amber)

1 1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

3/4 cup almond milk

1/4 cup canola oil
2 tsp vanilla extract
4-5 squares of bittersweet vegan baking chocolate

*Makes about 24 small cookies

-Most pure baking chocolate is vegan, however sometimes it is "produced on equipment that manufactures milk, soy, etc" - If you have a problem with this, Whole Foods chocolate chips and Trader Joe's chocolate chips are both vegan. Also, carob chips (which taste a little different, nuttier, but are equally AMAZING) are another option. They have a very chocolate-y consistency after being baked. Also, you can give carob chips to your dog. Or if you really hate your dog, go ahead with the chocolate chips.

-Step 1: Mix all dry ingredients together. 2 cups flour, baking soda/powder, salt.

-Next, whisk all the wet ingredients together. Almond milk, canola oil, agave syrup, vanilla. I always use Almond Breeze brand almond milk. I think the Silk kind is kind of tasteless. Almond Breeze, represent. When I made these cookies I forgot to put in the agave and realized only after they were in the oven. So I had to take them out, pouting like a 2 year old, and put it in ex post. Fail.

- Now, whisk the wet mixture into the dry slowly.

-Next, chop up 4-5 blocks of vegan baking chocolate with a good knife. As a zombie, I'm used to people coming at me with knives. But as a human, I think you should be concerned if you chop off a finger or two. Unless you're part starfish, then by all means, please send me a YouTube vid. Ps. Wolverine can regrow his fingers too.

-Now mix the shavings into the batter by hand. Yes, by hand you lazy ****.

-My dog Taz is obviously worried I am going to leave the oven on again and burn down the house. 
 

-Last, roll all the cookies out on a greased (with canola) cookie sheet, and cook on 350 for about 13-15 mins. Normally, you'd let them in for a little less time, but since we used agave you're supposed to extend baking time by 6%. I read that off an agave manufacturer's website once, but you were fooled for a minute, weren't you? That'll teach you to trust me.

-nom nom nom nom. I left these sitting out for a day, and they really absorbed the chocolate flavor.

-Look it's a cookie-a-whirl! Sorry I have the excitement capacity of a toddler. Anyways, you're done! Go eat, and stop bothering me! *classy grin*

Vegan Chocolate Torte + Raspberry Icing

Honestly I have no idea what the fuck a "torte" is, but this just didn't come out looking enough like a cake to call it a cake. Nonetheless, it's my favorite creation so far. Dude, this is soooooooooooo good. If you're not already dead, it's going to kill ya. 

This cake is reallllly rich. The opposite of me because I spend all my money on raspberries and X-Men movies.

Vegan Chocolate Torte + Raspberry Icing

Torte:

1 3/4 cup whole wheat flour
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
3/4 cup cocoa
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup almond milk
1/2 cup coconut oil
1/2 cup maple syrup
1/2 cup agave
1 tsp apple cider vinegar
2 tsp vanilla

Icing:
3 cups vegan powdered sugar
2 pints raspberries
1/2 cup cran-grape juice
1/2 cup almond milk
1/2 cup vegan margarine

-First, put the cup of almond milk on the stove until it bubbles. Then add the 3/4 cup cocoa, whisking until it dissolves. The remove the pan from the stove and set aside. It's not rocket science but I still almost messed it up like six times.

-Next in a bowl add the whole wheat flour, the baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Mix it obviously. If you didn't get that by yourself, you're probably clinically unsafe to be around.

 

-Next: In a separate bowl pour the maple syrup. Use Grade B pure Canadian maple syrup, it has the best flavor. It's like what Amber agave is to Light agave. Wow, I sound like such a douchebag.

Anyways, it's from Canada and Canada's AWESOME. Yeah, I said it. From Canada came Wolverine.  We love you, America's hat.

Mix the 1/2 cup agave with the maple syrup. Add to that the tsp apple cider vinegar.

                                   

-Next: Add the almond milk/cocoa mixture to the maple/agave mixture. Also in this put the 1/2 cup coconut oil. You will need to warm the coconut oil gently to liquify it. Put the measurement in a plastic bag, and putting the plastic bag in a bowl of hot water for a minute. Whisk all together.

-Add the wet mixture to the dry mixture and whisk until clump-free.

-Put in a 9-inch pan and place in the oven on 350 for 29 mins. Go ahead, try to put it in for 30 minutes. I dare you.

-Next combine all the icing ingredients in the food processor and blend it gently. Store in the fridge until serving time.

-Oh, look the cake's done! Fannnnnnnnnnnnnncy.

-Decorate and serve. Or just throw it at someone's face, that would be funny too.