Pureed Cauliflower

A very healthy, low-calorie, vitamin-packed alternative to mashed potatoes. Pureed cauliflower is incredibly easy to make and requires just a few ingredients. The winter vegetable cauliflower is commonly found in stores during the chilly months which makes this dish the perfect stand-in to butter-laden, cream-heavy mash-po.

The taste is smooth, creamy (without the cream), and delicious. There isn't a pungent cauliflower flavor at all. 'Cross my heart.

Really, your scale will thank you. You know you need it after those three (we know it wasn't just two) cookies and that candy-cane shot, and the Grinch mixed drink, and the snowstorm kahlua, and the pumpkin pie...

Pureed Cauliflower

1 head o' cauliflower

1 box/can vegetable broth

1/4 cup cashews

1 tsp white vinegar

1 tsp lemon juice

salt and pepper to taste

1 tbsp vegan margarine

Before cooking: Soak cashews 1 hour in water.

1. Cut all of the stems off of the cauliflower and roughly chop the heads.

2. Place them in a medium pot with the vegetable broth. You're going to want to cover the cauliflower with the broth, but just use that amount. It's alright if you have some broth unused.

3. Let the broth boil and them bring it down to a simmer. Cook the cauliflower for about 15 minutes or until tender. Drain the broth, reserving 2 tbsp of the cooking liquid.

4.Take the tender cauliflower, 2 tbsp cooking liquid, drained cashews, 1 tsp lemon juice, 1 tsp vinegar, and 1 tbsp vegan margarine and puree all ingredients in a food processor until the mixture is smooth.

5. Season with salt and pepper and garnich with a little pat of vegan margarine. Voila... you have completed your destiny.

Back from the Dead!!!

Hello ladies & gents! A little status message... I have some good news and some good news. I will do this in a LIST since I love lists, and no one can take that away from me.

1. First of all, my apologies for being, for lack of better word, dead, for the past several months. It almost seems it's been ages since I posted on here at all! Boo hoo, right? :( I am crying tears of salty sadness.

       a.HOWEVER. They are not tears of salty sadness borne of neglect! I have been very, very blessed to have been (since September) in the process of writing a vegan cookbook that will be in stores in March 2011!

       b.Holy shit, right???

       c. The book, aimed at all you lovely flexitarians out there is titled The Part-Time Vegan and will have simple, easy-to-follow, easy-to-find-ingredients-for recipes that will (hopefully) be acompanied by clever and amusing introductions by moi, your humble servant.

2. I may be getting my own domain sometime soon! I am looking to create my own .com which will be prettier and full of more superheroes than you could ever possibly imagine! When this happens, there will be a message and link on my blog redirecting lovely readers.

3. Until then, I will be updating the blog with new recipes, because the work of writing, editing, searching through galleys, emailing editors, going crazy, losing my mind also, making too much food for my own good-- is all, done done done!!

4. A very Merry Sithmas, Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year to everyone who reads this here missive!

Vegan Spaghetti Squash

So, I have been incredibly busy for the past few weeks (leaving little time to think up new recipes)! Something very exciting has been happening...

But that is neither here nor there, and has nothing to do with the easy, low calorie recipe that I've got here for you. Tired? Exhausted? Welcome to the fucking club, we've got a DJ on Fridays. That's why the recipe is easy peasy.

Quick Spaghetti Squash Dinner
1 spaghetti squash
1 yellow tomato
2 tbsp olive oil
salt to taste
cracker black pepper to taste
garlic to taste
your favorite store-bought tomato sauce
¼ cup balsamic vinegar
1/4 cup red wine
2 tbsp nutritional yeast

1. Preheat the oven to 450 degrees. Cut a spaghetti squash in half (be careful, butterfingers). 'Squash' is kind of a cute word, but if I had never eaten it before I would assume it tastes like a foot. I promise you it doesn't. Believe me or not! This is your own destiny.

2.Seed the squash, brush w/ olive oil, and season with salt, pepper and garlic. Let bake face down in the oven for about 45 minutes.

3.Chop up your tomato, and let it marinade in the red wine/balsamic mixture.

4. When the spaghettic squash is done and cooled (about 5 mins), gut it into a glass bowl, adding all other ingredients and your favorite store-bought tomato sauce. Top with nutritional yeast if it suits your fancy fancy tastes.

Hummus is Yummus

My favorite thing on earth to eat is chickpeas. I like chickpeas on pancakes, I like chickpeas on pizza. I like chickpeas in my toothpaste and if they invented it, I would buy chickpea flavored lube. Well, no probably not. But I would consider it.

So, here is a quick, easy, no-brain-dead-idiot-could-mess-this-up version of the best thing since before the Beatles: Hummus.

Quick Easy Hummus

1 can chickpeas + water in can

2 tbsp tahini paste

2 tbsp olive oil

3/4 tsp salt

2 tsp lemon juice

2 tsp minced garlic

-This is a recipe even your dog couldn't mess up, even my dog, who is probably a reincarnated rock.

-Hummus has tons of PROTEIN, so it's awesome! Or, it'll give you really bad indigestion.

-Just blend all of this in the food processor and you're good to go! If you eat bread and aren't gluten-adverse, make sure your bread doesn't have lactylate as an ingredient b/c this can come from animals. However, it can also come from plants, or be synthetically created! (yay scary labs!) So check yourself, before you wreck yourself.

-Lastly, if you want to be all posh and fancy and better than me, sprinkle paprika over the top of your godly creation. It will look professional and like you have more skillz than you do! (Lying is the best way to impress people!)

-Ummmm, that's it. I'll put up something more interesting when I get more interesting.

(don't hold your breath)

Classic Carob-Chip Cookies

Or, pseudo-chocolate chip cookies.

Or, awesomeness with awesome sauce.

Okay, I'll be honest, I have nothing funny or clever today. On all accounts, I've been quite boring. My normal, antisocial, semi-sociopathic personality has come out to lounge on the lilo and here, I have this offering for you, promising I'll come around.

I actually like the way carob chips taste even better than chocolate chips, but, we never did say I was normal, did we.

Classic Carob-Chip Cookies
1/2 cup canola oil
1 tsp vanilla
1 heaping tbsp cornstarch
2 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp baking soda
1/2 cup water
carob chips to taste
1 cup vegan sugar





-Just mix all bits and lay out on a greased cookie sheet.
-These came out tasting exactly like your mom's chocolate chip cookies - they're really gooey to begin with, but they harden up. Cook on 350 for about 10 mins.
-I just sort of threw mine onto the pan and didn't roll them up into balls. I would advise rolling them up so they don't resemble invertebrates.

-Ummmmmmmmm, nothing.

Vegan Blueberry Breakfast Bars

Wow. Wow. Wow. These are really good. Not very sweet, aside from the blueberry flavor, which is awesome. Just how I like it. Somehow, they manage to stay so light and airy and chewy it's almost offensive. Almost.

Blueberry Breakfast Bars
fantastic original recipe here

1 1/3 cup whole wheat flour
3/4 cup oats
1/3 cup vegan brown sugar or maple syrup
2 tsp baking soda
3/4 cup almond milk
1/4 cup applesauce
2 tbsp cornstarch
1 1/2 cup blueberries




-Basically, mix everything together except the blueberries, and then fold the blueberries in so they don't get crushed and mushy.

-Put mixture into a greased pan (I used parchment paper instead, in my opinion, so much better) in an 8x8 pan or equal size. Oven on 400 and leave em' in for about 25 mins and you're so good.

-Taz wanted some :( I gave him some blueberries. Good little boy.

Vegan Grilled Polenta

I have raw alfredo and raw pesto sitting in the fridge, and became suddenly possessed by the idea of cooking polenta the other day when I saw it at the store. Or really, when I saw the pricetag of it in the store (2.50).

So I invented this recipe which is really, superbly great tasting. If I don't say so myself, and I am saying so myself *gentlemanly wink* It makes a great summer appetizer.

I'm a lazy f*** so I bought the pre-cooked Polenta. Really, who wants to sit and stir polenta for 45 mins in a (specifically) copper pot? I might have on another day, just because I think it is hilarious all the recipes say a "copper" pot.

What would happen if I cooked it in a steel pot?? The world may never know.

Vegan Grilled Polenta
1/4 cup walnuts
1 package pre-cooked polenta
canola oil
vegan pesto
vegan alfredo
3/4 cup julienne sundried tomatoes
1/2 cup red wine
salt
cracked ground pepper
4 gloves minced garlic
parsley to taste




-First, soak the sundried tomatoes in the red wine. Leave it for later.

-Next, sautee garlic, salt and pepper in canola oil. I used an electric frying pan to do this.

-Chop polenta into thick pieces. The thin ones don't do too well during grilling. Throw them into the frying pan to singe them - this will not take very long.

-Next, lay the polenta onto a cookie sheet and cover with dash salt/pepper, parsley, pesto, walnuts, and sundried tomatoes.

-Put these homies in the oven on 350 for 10 minutes.

-Cover with vegan alfredo and serve warm! nom nom nom